Re-post : A PITCH MEETING WITH JESSE EISENBERG

In honor of Jesse hosting SNL this weekend (1/29/11) I am re-posting this piece - originally posted 10/5/09 @ 1:14pm
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A PITCH MEETING WITH JESSE EISENBERG

Studio Executive:
Hey Jesse - thanks for coming in. I have several new projects that I think you are gonna love.

Jesse:
That sounds awesome. I'm really looking forward to branching out into some interesting and challenging character work.

Studio Executive:
Great! So first up is a commercial spot for a big soft drink- and we also want to talk to your sister Hallie Kate about this.....So it's set in an Italian restaurant and..

Jesse:
Stop. It sounds like "The Godfather Girl" spot , plus one.... I'm not interested

Studio Executive:
Great! I totally understand Ok.... so I have a couple of films for your consideration.
The first project is titled: 'Rye Playland' and it's....

Jesse:
Hold on just a sec.... is that set in the Amusement Park Rye Playland?

Studio Executive:
Yup! In Rye NY! You're from New York right?!

Jesse:
Ok - cause I'm kinda trying to move away from the whole amusement park genre thing - after starring in Adventureland and Zombieland...ya know?

Studio Executive:
Gotcha - well true, this one is set in an amusement park - but here's the catch...
you would NOT be a virgin....

Jesse:
Hmmm... interesting - but still I think I want to avoid the amusement park thing....
I mean I'm not even amused by amusement parks in real life... so whatever...what else do you have?

Studio Executive:
Ok - this film sounds hilarious... it's called "This Land is Your Land" and...

Jesse:
Yeah, I'm kinda also trying to avoid movies with the word "Land" in them, but maybe
I can consider it - if there are no amusement parks involved...

Studio Executive:
Great! well- it's a mockumentary so it will be hilarious.. and you will play this guy
who is a Roller Coaster enthusiast who travels across the country trying to break
the Guinness book of World Records in Coaster....

Jesse:
Stop right there. So It has the word Land, and is all about Amusement Parks...and I am assuming my character is a virgin?

Studio Executive:
Well - yes - but the good new is - you will get to wear brown corduroy pants & a hoodie,
and you get to shyly make out with a hot brunette chick....

Jesse:
Ok. I'm outta here.... (leaves)

Studio Executive:
Wait! How about hosting Saturday Night Live?

Jesse: (comes back in the room)
Yeah .....NOW you're talkin'!
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Written by: Evie Aronson 10/5/09
eviearonson@yahoo.com
www.eviechevy.blogspot.com